I Should be a Marital Counselor


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I spend the bulk of my time with Buddha since Bunny is in school five times a week now. We spend a lot that time conversing. Most of our conversations are pretty profound, too.
We talk about fashion.
"Buddha, do you like my new shirt?"
"Blaahh deeee bleee."
"Excellent. I thought you'd like it. Do you think you could maybe not drool on it today then?"
"Laaa boooodleee."
"Awesome."

We talk about politics.
"No, you're not allowed in here buddha. Hence the baby-proof gate."
"Bleeeee blaaaaa!"
"How did you knock that down?"
"Gladegleuuu."
"Wow, you're innovative. "
"Bleesshh."
"Just goes to show, fences aren't going to keep people out where they want to be."

We talk about authority.
"Sorry buddha, you can't have apples today. You can have carrots though."
"Ahhhh!"
"Hey, don't shoot the messenger. I don't make the rules, your mom does."
"Waaaah!"
"Well, because she's the decider and she decides what's best."

We talk about nutrition.
"Buddha, how many times have I told you that dirt and grime are not food."
"Spleeeegggleee."
"Come here, spit it out."
"Ahhh!"
"See? This is why you have the world's stinkiest turds."

We talk about philosophy.
"If you poop, and nobody's there to smell it, does it still stink?"
"Plllauuuugh."

We talk about PDA.
"Aww, are you gonna give me some kisses buddha?"
*slurp* *slobber*
"Ouch!"
"Heeee."
"That was a bite not a kiss. No biting. Save it for your first girlfriend."

We talk about the birds and the bees.
"Yes, that is your penis ... but could you please not grab at your scrotum when it's covered in poo?"
"Heee."
"No, seriously. It's gross."
"Blaa deee blaaa!"
"Okay, I'm not kidding. Keep your hands off your penis while I'm cleaning the poo off. Play with it when I'm done."

We talk about manners.
"You know it's not polite to spit milk in people's faces."
"Spplleeet. Phhhattttt."
"Nor is it polite to smear green beans in people's hair."
"Blauuuch."
"You're a real charmer you know?"

We talk about common sense.
"If you stop quirming, I'll be done quicker, you know."
"Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!"
"Chill out, I'm just putting on a new outfit."
"Ahhhhhhhhhh!"
"You know, maybe if you didn't smear smashed food all over yourself, I wouldn't have to change you after every meal. Think about it."

We even practice our debate skills.
"Okay, how about you and I make a deal?"
"Bleeedlaa."
"It's time for your nap. If you sleep for three hours, I'll sneak you some cheerios later."
"Glaaadee."
"Okay fine. Two and and a half hours and I'll throw in an apple slice."

It's what I tell all my friends. Relationships are based on communication. I'm sure it's why Buddha and I are so tight.


2 Responses to “I Should be a Marital Counselor”

  1. Anonymous Anonymous 

    Hi. I am a nanny also and I happened to stumble across your blog. I just wanted to let you know that this blog is one of the funniest things I have ever read! I just love it! Thanks for giving me a good laugh this morning!

  2. Anonymous Anonymous 

    Hi. I am a nanny also and I happened to stumble across your blog. I just wanted to let you know that this blog is one of the funniest things I have ever read! I just love it! Thanks for giving me a good laugh this morning!

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